How Long Until Nostalgia Gives Us Another Ace Ventura Movie?

So, the nostalgia machine has been chugging along for a while. Most people think it is a recent invention. However the Nostalgia machine has been running along for about as long as VR headsets and set ups have been around. Surprisingly long for something to not necessarily be that overly welcomed into society.

There _is_ a comparison to practicing homosexuals here. Not a necessarily good comparison. I’d sooner have a gay man in my home than a VR headset — and would find him quite a bit less fussy and irritating to deal with. I mean — how could he not? He is not a VR headset… he is a human, and thus no way able to be as ridiculous as VR.

That being said, Ace Ventura is two movies in a trenchcoat pretending to only be the sequal as the first movie has had some issues with aging decently. Movies that people remember the sequal, and forget the parts of the first movie that generally need to be forgotten. There are all kinds of people that have kind memories of it — as nostalgia is all about forgetting the garbage of the past. Like running a minimalist home — but for your understanding of the world.

So this means — around the corner will inevidably be the Ace Ventura Nostaglia Binge movie.

Being a bit of an internet prophet — I shall go further with my guesses of what I am going to expect. No — there are no posts I could link to. They were deleted for being too accurate. People got upset — and dammit, if this turns out correct, it prolly will also end up going missing. For knowing too much. So, while I can still joke about “saying too much” and just look like a nutter, I shall go with this article.

Woe betide to the moments where I do not come across as a bit of a loon. I will have to lie to people.

There are two ways the nostaglia movie can go. One will be the “phoned it in bit of nonsense that is meh at best” — and the other is the “darker and edgier Snyder Cut but super deep with asking all kinds of questions Abram material.”

These days — the movie industry in its full efficency has managed to have nostalgia pictures do both. It doesn’t matter, as you are just looking for something to remind you of what joy once felt like in this world that has long since demonstrated itself as being completely broken and unworkable and moving on its way to inevidable self-destruction.

By world — I mean human civilisation. My dreams of humans actually literally destroying the entire planet and making a new asteroid belt have long since been dashed and destroyed when I learned that it was actually my parents stealing my teeth. I might be mixing stuff up — and well, since we are talking nostalgia, that means I’m completely still on topic.

The Ace Ventura: Nostaglia Picture will both completely miss the point of the original source material by taking a more gritty and dirty take on it. Going Film Noir — but also be set in Florida — and with the “standard movie plot” that involves a cop with a partner cop who find something beneath the seedy under belly of the city. Since these cops are not what the department wants them to be, their chief will be all, “no deal”. In this case it will be because one is Ace Ventura, a police who only takes cases about animals — likely because humans killed his parents and he has had a loathing for humans ever since.

In the Nostaglia Picture we will make certain to have long scenes and shots of young Ace Ventura holding a toy police badge at a funeral hoping that one day — he will be able to make all the humans pay — for the humans killing his parents.

Act 2 ends with Ace Ventura learning the truth about his parents. It is in a little envelope that the audience is never able to see. This is to build mystery. He gets into a fight with his partner — and immediately gets into a messy break up. This is to appear to the practicing homosexuals who likely will be annoyed at how awkwardly and poorly the queer coding is done — and are mostly just glad we aren’t have gay people be the villains in movies anymore.

The villain is a black guy — because we are living in the 21st Century, and that is what modern times has us doing. All our advancements in life have lead to this being the case.

Also, there will be sympathetic side characters who aren’t black — but are analogs to black… but done super awkwardly. This being Ace Ventura; Nostalgiamobile I’m going to suggest it be a pack of lemur monkeys that are running a drug cartel gang in Florida, that Ace Ventura talks to an informant in that group. They will listen to hip hop music, wear pants that the waist is lower than what old people wear it at — and really really cool shoes. So many chains as well.

There will be internet videos that go over the realism of the economics of the Lemur Monkey Drug Cartel Gang… and point out how they seem to be a mixture of Hispanic Groups, Black Groups (but only ones in fiction) and seem to share most of social interactions from Jewish people. Think like if you had a bunch of Rabbis who were really into getting a good price on pain medication for their foot being sore — and wore a lot of chains — and pants were the wrong size… but like… as Lemur Monkeys.

The lack of ability to point to one stereotype will be used by people to counter the complaints of how ridiculous this street gang stand in would be. Even though that counter isn’t really a good one as it doesn’t take into account what is being argued about it.

The actor will likely one of the One Direction Members, Justin Beiber or Avril Lavigne as Ace Venture. This is not because nobody knows anybody else who is Canadian. Actually — that is entirely the reason why. Of those, the one they cast will confuse several other Jim Carry characters into Ace Venture — as well as several Mike Myers characters.

The Act 3 conclusion will not take into account the discussion that lead to the Act 2 break up — and will involve all kinds of animals showing up to save the day. The villianous human who was made to look to be the human who killed Ace Ventura’s parents the whole time will be defeated by being made very very dead. However, a sequel hook will show up to show that maybe it was a different human who killed Ace Ventura’s parents.

These are my predictions… and if they should be found to be true — this article will go away forever. I can only say this while it seems like I might be a little bit insane. It is the only way for safety on the matter.