In the halls of Syphilitic Hitler Clones
So, you are jumping around the universe… and you land in a room filled with clones of Hitler with clones of the Syphilus Strain he had — and all these clones are addicted to Meth. Let’s talk about that
cw: I have no idea what I could add to the very clear title here
You are prolly wondering why I’d need to specific the Syphilus and Meth — as that should seem redundant right
Let’s talk about killing Hitler
“If you don’t talk to your children about traveling back in time, and killing Hitler. Somebody else will!” — Concerned Temporal Advertisers, Killing Hitler PSA no.3
So, some individuals have time machines. Likely good people. There are good people without time machines and good people with time machines — good people all around
Some people with time machines have decided that the correct thing to do with their newly acquired purchase — or more likely — their purchase that has been sitting in their closet collecting dust
“I’ll learn how to use the time machine and do things with it” they tell themselves. Sometimes not even hanging clothing over the time machine that they have out in the open. To try to force themself to have this be the day they learn how to use the time machine. Go around time and all that stuff. Improve their lives
Now, the ones who actually do use their time machine (instead of procrastinate about it)… well amongst them, some people decide that perhaps — somebody should do something about that Hitler fella, who we’ve all heard is kind of a bad person
This is where the Hitler Cloning Authority comes into play. As enough people succeed at killing Hitler despite all the Anti-Hitlercide safe guards in place to try to avoid this — that there is felt to be a need to deal with the notion of a missing Hitler. A notion that a sufficient enough amount of people consider a problem. This is why the Hitler Cloning Authority come into play
The Hitler Killing Competition
“And now we are going to look at the Hitler killing Leaderboards to see who is was will currently had been will be having ended the most Hitlers” — Future Sports show, in between coverage of Cricket Matches — the main sport of the future
Since you can kill Hitler multiple times — several people who own time machines have decided to make this into a competition
There are some who try to claim moral reasons — but we all know they don’t care about this. They just want to see who can kill the most Hitlers
There is also a watch for to see who manages to kill the last Hitler — a highly coveted title by The Association of Hitler Killing or “AHK!” as it gets often called
This has put this sporting association at very much odds Hitler Cloning Authority
Now, the AHK has not banned the destruction of HCA faculties — as this is viewed as a common tactic to make the coveted of Killed the Last Hitler more viable — and there is a good chance that destroying the HCA faculties could rob a player of its title of Killed the Last Hitler
That being said, the unreleased Hitler Clones will not contribute to your Hitler Kill Count
HCA Count Policies
“That last clone was defective! It wouldn’t fool anybody!” The HCA upset at a poorly cloned bit of Syphilis
Due to the large amount of Hitler killing, Hitler is often rereleased into history with more memories than he should have. Having what might appear to be a bit of precognition. This isn’t as much of a problem closer to the suicide of a Hitler clone. A Hitler clone that may or may have figured out that he is a clone, with this contributing to his suicide as much as losing the war, the syphilis and the Meth
However, some might argue that this giving Hitler accidental precognition might have made things a bit worse
More likely, is the fact that the HCA constantly requires new Genetic Material of Hitler and his Syphilis to keep the clones of both from degrading too much. Now, while future cloning mechanisms are much better than past ones — so they can go quite some time without worrying about degrading. However there is also a lot of dead Hitlers throughout the annals of time
One might think the actual problem with Hitler is the amount of times the HCA has to go back in time and get blood samples from him, in order to keep the clone batches genetic material fresh enough to have clones to replace the dead clones
Some might blame the HCA’s constant taking of Hitler’s blood for his degradation in mental health and thus the whole thing with Hitler — but there are others that blame the AHK! for comoditising and gamifying the act of using a time machine to kill Hitler
That being said… the AHK! merch is off the chart — and pretty damned cool to wear around
This is totes accurate and a real thing. Why would you question this? I mean — it makes sense. Ergo that means it is real!